Episode 6: Keep on singing
Aug 16th, 2018
Music has been an important part of my life for as long as I can remember. I’ve used it to help with inspiration, motivation, relaxation, reflection, entertainment, and connecting with others. I’ve also used it to help create or change my mood. From an early age, I’ve enjoyed singing, however, the quality of my songs is a matter of opinion. For most of my life, I had been self-conscious of my singing, and because of that, I used to refuse to sing in public (unless alcohol was involved). After Olivia was born, I found peace in singing to her, but no one else. I made more of an effort to learn the words to songs, and the more I sang, the easier it became. During the first month of Olivia’s hospitalization, I struggled to comfort her until I realized that music was the answer. In private, I would sing to her, but when I had an audience, I would shy away from what felt natural. It wasn’t long before I found myself struggling to comfort her in a room full of people, so I had to make a decision that I dreaded. I leaned in close and began to whisper the song Hush Little Baby into her ear. At first, I was worried that someone would hear me, but as I continued to sing and she settled, so did my worries. At that moment, the world around us melted away, and it felt as if we were the only ones in the room. That day was the start of something new for me. I started singing to Olivia more frequently, and sometimes I would sing loudly even though I knew the neighbors would hear me. As time passed, I would occasionally find myself accidentally singing in front of others as I comforted Olivia. In the beginning, I would stop myself, but as my confidence grew, the embarrassment I once felt was no longer there. By the time Olivia was discharged from the hospital on Dec 20th, 2019, I was no longer afraid to sing in front of others. I’m not saying that I suddenly became Idol quality, but rather a disconnection between my singing voice and my self-image happened. I had been liberated by the experience of using music to comfort my sick child.
July 14th, 2019
Our strong connection to music was born out of necessity. During our time in the hospital, I needed to learn how to comfort and entertain Olivia without picking her up. Most of Olivia’s metabolic episodes and illnesses came paired with pain or discomfort, and extreme muscle tone loss. So, you can probably imagine how upsetting it was for both of us when I would attempt to hold her. In the beginning, I felt devastated that I couldn’t pick her up whenever I wanted to. When I would attempt to pick her up, I would usually struggle with her cords, and then almost immediately after picking her up, she would cry out in pain. Rather than giving in to my feelings of defeat, I decided that I would find alternate methods of comforting her. We learned that our efforts to cheer her up were most successful when we used music or books. While I was relearning how to comfort my child, I also found out that music had become a form of therapy for me. Seeing the difference positive music had on my mindset, I decided to create a playlist called Happy Time (which I proceeded to fill with all the music that brought me joy). Whenever I was having an especially difficult day, I would turn on my playlist and sing along (even if I didn’t feel like it). Eventually, I was able to create a sanctuary in our hospital room by using softer lighting and pleasant music. It had become a soothing place to be for anyone who entered our room, and it also played an important role in helping us cope with the stress of our situation.
Dec 3rd, 2020
Our musical journey continued to evolve during our time at home. Our time in the hospital had inspired me to learn more about Olivia’s musical interests. With my help, Olivia created a playlist of music that brought her joy. One day, while we were on the hunt for new music to add to her list, we stumbled upon what would become Olivia’s favorite song. The song is called Bicycle, by Frances England. She grinned from ear to ear as she heard it for the first time, so I knew we had found something special. We quickly discovered the magic behind that song after she took a bite out of her finger. We were desperate to comfort her, so we turned on her music playlist. As the song began to play, her cry slowly disappeared, and her eyes began to open. A smile gradually crept across her face as the memory of her wounded finger faded into the distance. From that moment on, the song Bicycle became our secret weapon. Over time, music had proven itself to be an excellent distraction for all of us. After all, Olivia isn’t the only one who sometimes needs help turning a frown upside down. So, we decided to use Olivia’s love of music to find alternate ways of helping her. We began to learn that there were more uses for music other than relaxation and creating distractions. We also started to occasionally use music to communicate with her and teach her things. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my decision to sing to her that day in the hospital would lead us down a new path of musical discovery.
